Because this past weekend was valentines day, I decided to do an extra special blog post dealing with just that. Since the beginning of this class I have learned a great deal about the various aspects of heteronormativity and the problems that its causes, over this past weekend however, those aspects have become extremely apparent to me.
The first thing that comes to mind when I think of v-day is the uncanny relationship the holiday and the violence of a heterosexual relationship. From the readings and in class we learned that being in a heterosexual relationship can cause many problems both for the female and male. On V-day the male is expected to provide the female with presents and a nice dinner, and the female is expected to provide extra special sexual favors in return. This can cause many problems partly because of financial restrictions on the males part, but also personal restrictions in the bedroom for the female.
On the flip side, othering can occur if one doesn't have a date for V-day. Many women stress and become depressed because society tells them that they should have a significant other for V-day and if they don't they should go drink themselves to oblivion. There are always specials at the bar for singles to get dollar beers on V-day, or get discounts on food in they bring in a picture of their ex, and pin it to a wall of shame.
Do you think that valentines day can be destructive rather than constructive to ones self esteem?
Also, what are your view points on the norms that valentines day is associated with?
Finally are you in favor of V-day or against it?
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I agree with you Kevin, I think Valentines Day puts pressure on both the male and the female in different reasons. I think this day can be constructive in the sense that if a couples relationship is lacking romance here is a day to spice things up a little though it can also be destructive. A man may feel pressure to be creative in celebrating this day and has to perform to the womans standards and the woman feels the same but perhaps pertaining to sexual favors for the man. This can put a lot of pressure on both people and it can actually be problematic for the relationship. Personally I'm not a big fan of valentines day just because I don't think there should be one day dedicated to love...you should do nice gestures for your significant other no matter what day it is...isn't that love and not the fact that you recceive heart shaped objects once a year? I mean anyone can do that and that doesn't necesarily mean they love you.
ReplyDeleteKevin,
ReplyDeleteI agree with everything you have said about Valentines Day. It's funny, three weeks ago when I was in a relationship i was planning out a perfect dinner & thinking about what I should get my boyfriend but after we broke up I had girlfriends over to drink for "Anti-Valentines Day". I think as much as we would like to say "it's just a hallmark holiday" it really depends on the situation we are in. I definately think that Valentines Day is violent towards all "othered" groups other than heterosexuals. Most cards have pictures of a heterosexual couple and all of the comercials show the man buying the woman flowers and jewelry. I also agree with Marina on the fact that Valentines Day means different things to most men than it does most women. Women think about romantic dinners and things of that nature when men expect the women to do something special in bed like dress up or take sexualized pictures for them. Honestly I think it is just a holiday made to create disagreements in relationships and to make those who aren't in relationships feel like shit. If you love someone, you should celebrate it every day...you shouldn't need a special day to let that person know how you feel.